I’ve been meaning to write my birth blog for a few days now whilst it was still fresh in my mind but even though me and bab haven’t really done anything since he’s been born, the days still seem to fly by somehow! Despite getting up at half 5 everyday – that seems to be Oakley’s body clock at the moment – it seems to be evening before I know it.
So, as you probably know, Oakley was overdue and therefore we ended up going into hospital when he was 12 days late to be induced. We were asked to call on the Saturday morning at 8am to see if there was space for us to come in. Unfortunately they were short staffed that weekend so they said to call again at 2pm. My Mum and I were sat around on tenterhooks not really knowing what to do with ourselves when my phone rang again at 11am and we were told to come straight in.
I was feeling a little nervous and my teeth started to chatter as we left the house but I think it was a whole load of emotions really including anticipation, excitement and fear of the unknown. I’ve not known anybody close to me to have an induction before so I’d only heard some horror stories on the grapevine. However, I knew I wasn’t going to put Oakley at risk by going beyond 42 weeks so I just had to suck it up and go for it!
When we arrived we were hooked up to a heart monitor and they did a quick bedside scan to check that baby was still head down. They then told me my options were either a balloon which would be inserted into my cervix, inflated and then I would be allowed home for 24 hours or I could have a drug-induced labour with a pessary which would mean staying in hospital overnight. I had heard good things about the balloon and liked the idea of being able to rest at home so I opted for that. Nathan and I were taken into a separate room away from the ward and I had a cervical examination. I was 1cm dilated so she was confident that she could fit the balloon. I'm not going to lie, it was painful as she fitted the balloon and then had to fiddle around to inflate it. Unfortunately baby pushed down on the balloon at completely the wrong moment and it came out. The midwife decided to attempt it again but this time with the use of a speculum. This was much less uncomfortable but she couldn't insert the balloon at all so went for round three. By this point, I was feeling rather sore and my partner had gone a bit pale! I could feel little gushes of blood as she was prodding and poking but she told me she was being over cautious as she'd accidentally broken someone's waters that morning and baby wasn't engaged enough for her to get away with that safely. The third and final attempt was painful but successful! The balloon was a lot bigger and more cumbersome than I expected and I had three fairly thick tubes coming out of me that were then taped to my thigh to create tension on my cervix and encourage it to open. She warned me before I sat up that there was quite a bit of blood and I hobbled back to the ward rather pale faced and shaky.
Back on the ward we were hooked back to the heart monitor. The midwife said that baby boys tended to be a bit dramatic after the balloon was fitted which could have an adverse affect on their heart rate but baby was very settled. I was getting mild tightenings every two minutes and we all got a bit prematurely excited that something was happening. They were happy with baby and also with the fact that nothing was going to happen imminently so they sent me home. We were all starving by this point so we stopped off in the hospital cafe for some lunch. Nathan and my mum were at the till paying whilst I sat down and I remember getting one really intense tightening and frantically trying to catch Nathan's eye as I was slightly worried something was really happening! But this was the last painful one I had and throughout the next 24 hours at home they became less and less frequent and milder. We had been told to call the hospital if the balloon fell out, my waters broke or if my contractions got too intense but if none of these happened I was just to return to the hospital in 24 hours to have the balloon removed. The balloon was a lot more medical and uncomfortable than I'd imagined and by this point I was really grumpy that I'd had to go through this procedure and it hadn't appeared to have worked anyway.
Back at the hospital, they said the balloon had worked and was just being held inside me by my underwear! I was now 3cm dilated but they weren't confident they could break my waters that day as they were short staffed and I would need one on one care once they had been broken. I was on a ward with three other ladies who were all waiting to be induced as well and one by one they all disappeared! Nathan got zero sleep as he only had a chair on the ward but I did manage to get about 4 hours sleep. I then woke up to the girl opposite me being sent to the delivery suite which was very quickly followed by hearing her screams... I gave Nathan a look of horror and he quickly plonked a set of headphones on me and put on some of my favourite songs. About half an hour later, a midwife appeared and said she was going to put me on the heart monitor for a bit and then she'd be back to break my waters. This was at 4:30am and I wasn't prepared at all! When they'd told me my waters were going to be broken on Monday, I just imagined it would be during the day at some point! I frantically contacted my mum to tell her they were coming round to break my waters and tried to get myself psyched up. Hearing that the instrument is akin to a crochet hook really doesn't settle your nerves but it was actually a pretty painless procedure. The midwife managed to pop them with no bother and then told me to have a walk along the corridors whilst she made me some breakfast. The first lady to leave the ward the previous day was pushing her baby along in a crib to move to the ward and she wished me luck. It suddenly felt very real that this whole process could be ending with a baby by the end of the day!
My midwife Paige came to collect me from the ward and took me to our room on delivery suite. She instantly put me at ease and was such a likeable person. She also introduced me to Joe who was a paramedic undergoing training in birth. I felt uncomfortable that there was going to be a man in the room when I gave birth but throughout the labour I became more and more at ease with him. By the end, I really didn't care that he was a man!! My waters were leaking everywhere by this point so I stripped off from the waist down and then was told I needed to have a wee before we started things. Of course the pressure of that was way too much and I couldn't go so Paige said we'd have to try again whilst I was in labour. Back on the bed Joe attempted to fit my cannula twice in my hand but due to my wiggly veins, he couldn't do it so another midwife was called who managed it first time. This was something I was really nervous about and the failed attempts didn't help but generally it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. They hooked me up to the oxytocin drip and we were on the way to having a baby!
By this point, Nathan was dead on his feet so he headed home for a nap in order to be at his best when I would need him most later on in labour. The early stages were fine – I was chatting away to my mum and Paige and Joe and feeling like it was all quite manageable. The pain changed from period type aches to a real ache in my groin. I opted for some paracetamol at this point but with hindsight I'm not really sure what I thought that was going to do for me! Every so often they turned up my dose of oxytocin and the pain slowly became less easy to manage. With an induction there seems to be so many wires and tubes that it makes it difficult to be mobile but I did try moving around to a few different positions.
At this stage Paige said I really needed to wee so I didn't cause permanent damage to my bladder as baby descended. She sat me on one of those toilet chairs but every time I felt like I could be relaxed enough to wee, a contraction came and put me off! Paige then opted to drain my bladder with a catheter which she removed straight away after my bladder was emptied. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world but it was far preferable to causing lasting damage!
At this point I was on the gas and air. I've heard mixed things about gas and air – some swear by it and others say it just makes them feel queasy. I was a little middle of the road with it. To start with it did make me giggly and I was getting strange colour and light hallucinations when I closed my eyes. As the pain got more and more intense it wasn't really doing anything to lessen the pain but it was helping me to breathe which I suppose is one bonus! I asked my mum to call Nathan and get him to come back as the pains were getting more intense and I was struggling to cope. Paige examined me and said I was 5cm which was probably good progress for a first baby but I felt a bit deflated by it.
Nathan arrived and I remember hearing his voice but by this point I couldn't even open my eyes. I was caught up in this cycle of contractions and had begun to fear the next one coming on. I'd lost all concept of time and although I could hear the conversations going on around me, I wasn't able to contribute in any way. I remember Paige had said at the start of labour that she wanted my contractions to get so intense that I couldn't speak so I knew I was progressing in the way they wanted. The pressure and pain in my groin by this point was so strong that I knew I needed some more pain relief rather than just gas and air. I reluctantly asked for the epidural and apologised for the millionth time that I was being a wuss – everyone reassured me that I wasn't!
Before you have an epidural you have to agree to the risks and possible complications that come with them. They gave me a sheet to read but as I said, I couldn't even open my eyes at this point so my mum read them aloud to me. Once I'd agreed to them, it seemed that the anaesthetist arrived really quickly (I'd expected a wait once I'd requested it) and he was so kind and reassuring throughout the process. Another midwife took my bra off for me and got me into a hospital gown which somehow seemed more comfortable and I don't remember feeling any pain or discomfort from having the epidural put in.
Almost immediately my contractions eased, I didn't feel the need to white knuckle grasp the gas and air and I opened my eyes! It was the first time I'd actually seen Nathan since he came back and I felt like I could talk and interact again – as I said “I was back in the room again”. It really was a miracle and I felt like I had control back again and that I could progress with the labour.
Joe started chatting to me about music and I told him the sort of bands I was into but also that Taylor Swift was my guilty pleasure. He asked if I'd like some music on as there was a radio in the room. This helped so much and really lightened the mood.
I suddenly got the dramatic urge to push and Paige said I could but I could prolong my labour if I pushed against cervix as it would swell. I asked her to examine me which she did and she confirmed I was 10cm. With an epidural they like you to wait an hour before pushing to give you the best possible chance of pushing out your baby without assistance but my urge to push was so strong that Paige went off to ask her supervisor if I could start pushing right away. With the all clear, we started to push. My mum was down the business end whilst Nathan held my hand. He was my cheerleader throughout and let me crush his hand into the bed as I gritted down to push. I actually really enjoyed this part of labour as I felt like we were actually making progress and I could do something productive to get baby here. Paige was telling me to push harder which made me feel as though I wasn't doing a good job but I know she was just trying to encourage me. In between contractions, Taylor Swift came on the radio and I remember announcing to the room that Taylor was on! After just 20 minutes of pushing, baby's head was out. Paige told me to give her a push and then said “or not, he's coming!” As soon as his head was out, the rest of him rushed out with no effort from me! He was born at 3:01pm weighing 7lb 9.5oz. My labour was just 3 hours and 56 minutes with just over 20 minutes of pushing. Paige told me it was the quickest pushing stage she'd ever had with an epidural – I felt so proud of myself!
Oakley had the cord wrapped round his neck twice but he screamed as soon as he arrived and was placed straight on me for skin to skin. He was just perfect – so pink and beautiful. I don't know who cried more – me, my mum or Nathan but it was hugely emotional and special. I couldn't stop staring at him and it was a great distraction for everything that happens post birth!
Joe cut his cord and then I had the injection so that he could deliver the placenta. This was bigger than I expected but as Paige pointed out, at least it doesn't have bones! They then lowered the end of the bed and put my legs in stirrups so a doctor could come in to repair the damage! I didn't feel any pain as such but you can feel the thread being pulled through – it's a weird sensation! It took just over an hour to do the stitches and the local anaesthetic wore off twice in that time but I just told her I could feel it and she topped up the injection. Nathan had to go out at this point and I had no idea why but later he told me that blood was pooling on the floor and my mum said it looked like a massacre!! They couldn't ascertain why I was bleeding so much but they inserted a pack, put me on a drip to encourage clotting and took a blood sample to check for any problems which could cause me to bleed excessively.
After this, I wasn't allowed to stand up or get out of bed for 9 hours! Mum and Nathan were exhausted so they went home and the midwives dimmed the lights, left the radio on and left me to bond with Oakley. The little trooper had latched himself on to my boob before he'd even been weighed and he continued to have a few feeds like that over the next few hours. It was lovely to just lie with him and soak him in and I felt like we really bonded in the quiet of the delivery room after all the chaos of the day. As I couldn't get up, a health care assistant had to come in and change his nappy for me but it was nice to have the help when I wasn't able to do much!
Eventually I was allowed up for a shower and the midwife took Oakley to the midwife station so I could get washed and changed without any distractions. It really did feel like my insides were going to fall out of my bum and I was quite light-headed and dizzy. To add insult to injury, there was a full length mirror opposite the shower – not what you need a few hours post-birth!!
At about 1am I was given the all clear and we were taken down to the main maternity ward. Oakley had a feed and a cuddle and went straight off to bed but the other babies on the ward weren't quite so considerate! I'm not sure I would have slept at all anyway as the adrenalin was still pumping and I just wanted to creepily stare at him!
We were discharged the next day before he was even 24 hours old and it was nice to get settled at home. Oakley passed all his tests with flying colours and my only lasting reminder of the bleed was anaemia as my iron levels dropped. I have to take an iron supplement for two months and then they'll reassess my levels.
I by no means had the birth I planned but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed with it or myself. Oakley needed to be induced to make sure he was safe and that meant no water birth. I'd also said I wanted as little midwife contact as possible because I liked the idea of it being a family experience but actually having a midwife and an assistant in the room at all times was more comforting than I imagined it would be– it probably helped that Paige was so nice! Basically, don't get too hung up on your ideal birth! I would do it all again tomorrow and I feel like it was such a life-affirming experience despite not conforming to my plans. I have a new found respect for all midwives and mothers now as well!!